blah blah blah...

I'm still counting my blessings I promise;  I know I have lots of them, but seriously, the last few weeks I feel absolutely blah.  What is this funk about; it hit its peak today, I think.  My night last night - kids in bed 7:30-ish.  Did a handful of pick up chores, then...nearly every half hour until 3:44am someone was up.  Now if it was just once in a while,  I wouldn't be so frazzled.  The past several weeks have been like this often, like almost everynight, with sick kids, nightmares,  potty breaks,  clingy, crankiness,  etc.  Officer works nights, if you didn't already know, and so I HAVE to get up, so that he can sleep in the mornings because kids don't just sleep in on nights like that. Why is that?  Gratefully he has helped out more the last few nights that have been like this, but he's exhausted as well.  The last several mornings I have been up by about 5:30am.  I love my children, they are darling, but lack of sleep is really GETTING TO ME!  I have run out of steam...I'm feeling depressed, couped up,  blah.  Exercise would help - but I currently have zilch for energy with no sleep and it's freezing outside, so running is not so fun right now.  I've been trying to do more service,  but in some ways it has backfired because my own home remains a mess and my regular to do list unfinished. Tried to pick up a book - but there is someone constantly wanting my attention.  I feel like I barely get dressed and barely do more than the absolute minimum.  I keep trying to tell myself it will get better...and I know it will.  As I sit here my 8 month old refuses to go to sleep - I even resorted to crying it out for a few minutes (her, not me, yet.)  Usually I can nurse and her she'll be right back to sleep, but she has been biting me for a month now since she got 2 teeth (I've tried a lot of things and nothing is sticking)and frankly I've just about had it.  I need a break to find me again or at least some regular sleep - before I break!  DEEP,  deep breath...okay I'm done, thank you for letting me vent.  I'm okay, but come New Years,  I'm ready for some resolutions.

So long Movember

In "Movember"  (I guess that's what they call it, to help raise awarness about prostate cancer, etc.)Officer decided to grow a moostache(yes I know I spelled it wrong, for emphasis).  The cause is great, but it's kind of a funny thing and because he gets picked on a little at work because it's not exactly what an Officer would hope to grow as a stache.  I'm not such a fan of the facial hair, so I was glad to say goodbye to "movember." Also in November,  I made and awesome apple pie  for Thanksgiving and Miss Peanut celebrated her 4th birthday.  She got a Dollhouse and has not stopped playing with it since! 

 

This month we had a fun night up at our family cabin with some friends from our ward. The kids had a great time playing, and it was fun for the adults to play some games and chat (Thanks to Jalaine for taking pictures that I stole from her blog.) It's so beautiful and quiet up there,  I wish there had been more snow to play in, but we had a great time. 

After that - kids have just had one virus after another it seems like.  Cupcake had ear infections and this week it's been coughs and runny noses.  Yuck - I'm hoping we're healthy by Christmas.  We've been doing a lot of hanging out at home.  Officer and I did get out for his fancy work Christmas party.  My poor sister babysat for us and I'm not sure she wants to do that again anytime soon - my kids were rough on her - kind of like a substitute teacher at school...I celebrated my birthday last weekend and it was a very quiet day - so nice.  We had family over for cake that night - love the cute pictures of the babies playing with Grandma Pattie. Cupcake loves the tree - I was hoping she wouldn't learn to crawl while it was up - but she has managed to get herself there to play, alot. 

 I visited my grandmother at the nursing home and realized I hadn't given them pictures in a long time, so I made this into a big poster to give to her for Christmas. 

 I made these for my kids to hang in their rooms, kinda cute, thought I would share.

Robins and Worms

So that is what the doctor compared taking out my veins to....Robins pulling worms from the ground.  yuck!  I had to put Lidocane on the majority of my leg prior to the procedure and take this anti anxiety med of some kind.  Now, I don't often take medicine.  I haven't taken much Ibuprofen in like 5 years because of having babies, nursing, etc.  So whatever it was that I had, it made me way loopy,  Officer just kept laughing at me, because I felt so bizarre.  I was awake  for the procedure so I watched some of what they were doing, but some of it was a little painful because I wasn't very numb in a couple places, I think I cut off the circulation to Officers had for at least a good 5 minutes at one point.  I actually feel pretty good with how quickly things are coming a long after having this done.  Walking around on my trip was good,  sitting was harder because my leg was stiff and I couldn't bend it with the bulky wrap they put on it.  I felt a little stiff after taking off the big bulky wrap last night.  And not having as much compression on my leg now is making it a little more painful,  but I think most of the pain is from the bruising.  That big bruise you see - that was the 5 minutes loss of circulation to officers hand.  That was the biggest problem vein in my leg.  Anyway enjoy the photos - sorry if you get a little queasy.   

A little dejavu...

Once kids were fed and finally in bed that first night back, I was finally able to take the big bulky wrap off my leg - and just as Officer was helping me we hear a loud pop at the other end of the hour. We were both a little  concerned and Officer cleared the house - our back sliding glass door had shattered - at first we wondered if some one had shot out the glass, but gratefully it was only the inside pane of the glass. What is it with our family and shattered glass? It was 1 year ago that our Gas fireplace exploded and shattered the glass, so weird.   It looked like maybe there had been some condensation in between the panes and with a heater vent right there and the 25 degree temp out side we suspecting that is what caused it.  

Take your college roommate to work day.

So, uh this is where my old college roommate works.   

I decided that I need a minute to breathe, so I booked a trip and went to Salt Lake for Time Out for Women.  First 48 hours completely kid/pregnancy free in almost 5 years.  Why would I do that right after surgery?  Well, the surgery kept getting bumped by the Dr.  so it happened to fall in the same week.  However,  I think it was a good thing because I wasn't taking care of kids for a couple days so really it was a break and my leg felt pretty good for the most part.  When I got there I felt all giddy and excited to see her - she has stayed such a great friend over 10 years.  We stayed up way too late talking in her cute little apartment, ate way too much yummy food, and loved every minute of the conference.  Anyway,  what an amazing place to work and she does an incredible job where much is expected of her.  The temple here has been closed for nearly six months now for renovations and it was wonderful to spend the better part of a day there.  I didn't have to rush home a babysitter so I was able to just savor all of it without distraction.  To have quiet moments to be still, to ponder without interruption just doesn't happen a lot with 3 little ones at home and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute.  

 This is my cute roomy and I at Time Out for Women.  There were so many great speakers,  Brad wilcox,  Sherri Dew,  Hillary weeks spoke and sang.  Emily watts,  Wendy Ulrich, and several others, but for me one highlight was when a last minute fill in speaker turned out to be Stephanie Nielson  aka nienie.  She is absolutely amazing and inspiring.  This was my first experience going to something like this and it was great to  hear so many positive, uplifting messages, celebrating womanhood, motherhood, life, etc.  I'll maybe share more detailed thoughts later, but I'm hoping that whether I travel to this or it's at home I want to make this or something similar a regular thing.     

 So I stopped at this fountain for a quick drink and my face got a drink, nice.

And this is my yummy lunch at this cute little restaurant called Blue Lemon in Salt Lake.  Don't eat your screen,  it really was that yummy. 
I missed my family and I was glad to come home,  I felt like I had a little better perspective on things and up for a challenge...got more than I bargained for though when I got home.  That perspective is lots harder to stay focused on when kids are beyond exhausted and whiny and won't stay in bed  and...its' going to take me a day to readjust.

Picking up where we left off

I love this picture - it is just happy,  I love the cute giggle in her smile as we shared this moment;  it kind of sums up my love for this wonderful woman.  She is my grandmother and one of my dearest friends.  About 6 years ago she had a stroke and has been in a nursing home for 5 years now.  I will sadly admit that I do not visit her enough, but I spent some time this afternoon with her.  How I've missed her!  There are some times in the past few years that I'm not sure if she really remembers me,  some of her memories seem very jumbled at times.  But she does remember me; sometimes just in little glimpses.  Today was that way.  It was like stepping back in time and picking right back up although so much has changed.  When she first had the stroke I was still working and didn't have any kids yet.  I would often go visit her after work to talk with her and do more Physical Therapy.  Sometimes I feel like if only I could have devoted all my time for a while to doing that for her, she would be a little better off now.  The reality is, I couldn't at the time.  I know that this current life is not something she would have chosen for herself and today we talked about that.  Do you know - she said "oh, but the lessons I've learned and the people I've been blessed to meet."  What an inspiration to me,  that in all that she currently suffers she is still able to say that our Heavenly Father has blessed her life through other people.  He has blessed my life through her.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

This little cupcake didn't want to go to sleep, which I've been okay with because I'm crossing my fingers that she will sleep longer tonight.  I sat her in front of this mirror tonight and she has loved to play with her new friend.  It made me think as I watched her squeal with excitement at herself;  When does that change? Seriously,  most of the time I dread looking at the tired reflection and dark circles I see.  I need to get back to loving the person I see rather than taking note of all the things I'm discontent with.  The lessons we learn from our children never cease to amaze me.

Bear Cave

Sunday afternoon we built a bear cave under our kitchen table; throw in a little popcorn and  it was hours of entertainment!

Modern Medicine

I am grateful for modern medicine.  Not that you would necessarily  remember, but with each of my pregnancies I have varicose veins that get increasingly worse each time.  A little fact that you may not know is that when you are pregnant your bodies' blood volume increases by 50% and when the extra blood in your body just sits there in your legs making them throb because the valves in the veins that are supposed to pump the blood back to the heart aren't working it becomes really uncomfortable. I compare it to when your leg falls asleep - like really bad and you start to get feeling back or like the throbbing you get when you put your entire leg in a bucket of ice water.  Try having that almost constantly unless I put my feet up, quite literally.  I wore compression hose for 2 pregnancies to help prevent it from worsening.  The reality is that they will still get worse because the crazy hormones of pregnancy also cause your blood vessels to dilate to accommodate the craziness that pregnancy causes to the body.  Don't get me wrong it is a miraculous and amazing process to grow a baby,  but the aftermath on a mommy's body is kinda crazy - at least for a while.    Honestly though, by the end of the last pregnancy, I would say the pain from the veins was far worse than the actual pain during delivery and it made it really difficult to do normal things like kneel to pray, bathe kids, and even stand (toward the very end).

Now - I am not announcing that we are trying to get pregnant or anything,  but yes we do want to have more children at some date in the future, so I talked with my doctor about what my options are for next time around.  He said yes, having another baby will make it worse whether I have the surgery or not - this I knew,  but our plan is this:  In hopes to eliminate the pain (for the most part)  they will do vein ablation on the main vein that is now 4+ times the size it should normally be.    By doing that they say it should stop the blood flow from there to all the little tributaries that branch from that main vein and hopefully alleviate the pain it causes.  Why am I sharing all this technical jargon with you?  They are doing the procedure this week,  and I'm just getting a little nervous about it, but I know it will be fine. I'm just grateful that there are such marvelous modern miracles.  So,  here is a couple of lovely before pictures and I'm hoping to say goodbye to the havoc the veins have caused.  Wish me luck.           

Blueberries

I've made my own baby food this time,  it really hasn't been too difficult now that I know how to. I know all babies are different, but she has hardly made a sour face at anything she has tried.  This was blueberries.  Mwwaah!  Couldn't you just kiss this face!   She is so much fun, except that suddenly she is wanting to nurse several times a night again - what is that about?  I'm hoping just a growth spurt, but last night I finally had to let her cry it out for a little while - I hate doing that, but every 2 hours was getting exhausting for mom. 

scrub-a-dub-dub

These three monkeys in the tub!  Cupcake is now sitting up and for 1/2 a second I let Miss Peanut hang onto her to snap a picture.  It has been a process, but I'm getting the hang of bathing 3 kids now, took me long enough.  :)

RIP

RIP - peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Pretty much everyday Handsome requests a PBJ for lunch and most of the time these are the remains left of the 1 1/2 - 2 whole sandwiches.  I'm just glad he's eating. 

A good day for couponing,

I've been couponing for a little while now, some weeks are better than others, but for the most part I'm so amazed that I can walk out of a store paying most times between 50-75% regular and sale prices.  There are plenty of times when I realize I actually could have gotten a better deal, but I'm still saving my family lots on groceries.  Today I thought I did quite well.  I paid 20.42 for everything pictured.  The coupons I had saved me $119.19, so I saved about 86% of the total retail price.  AMAZING!  I paid for my 6 month newspaper subscription in less than 1 shopping trip. Go me.

Settling in for the winter.

We have had this cough hanging around our house for about 6 weeks and I'm so over it already,  mommies are not supposed to get sick.  I even went and had a wheatgrass shot from a smoothie place hoping to kick this sooner, no such luck.  We have had too many sick days already this fall and not the fun kind where you play hookey.  I'm crossing my fingers, but not holding my breath that we'll ALL be healthy this week.    

It feels like we've been so busy, but we haven't done much other than Halloween.  We had the missionaries over for dinner on Tuesday night,  which was really fun for my kids. And we had Great-Grandpa over for dinner on Friday night which happened to be his 81st birthday!  The kids helped me make a birthday banner and we celebrated with yummy soup and homemade bread and cherry pie with a candle.  I don't know that my kids listened much, but it was fun to talk with him about his birthday memories.  

 I laughed when my grandpa asked how old Miss Peanut was.  5?, he asked.  No, 3, I replied. Then he laughed.  She will be 4 though soon, but all of my kids are getting so big already.  

Miss Peanut is practicing writing letters and reading simple words.  She loves to dance, she is learning how to use the computer and makes her own sandwiches now. She loves to help me with baby sister and  in the kitchen and even knows how to start a load of laundry (including sorting to starting it, very helpful for mommy).  She suddenly has the obsession with combing hair.  Anytime I sit down to change a bum or just sit she'll grab a brush and comb my hair.  It must be from Tangled.

Handsome is such a sweet snuggly boy, but he has also been a handful.  He loves to sing and has a great sense of rhythm with music.  We really need to get some kind of instrument in his hands soon  (I'm hoping for a piano, but...we'll see).  He loves to play cars and read books,  but every now and then while playing with big sister will come out with a tutu and say its a princess dress.  Poor dad panics of course, but he's just well rounded and plays well with 2 sisters.  He will come to Cupcake and say "I want to hold it"  and try to pick her up or sit with her.  That is how the following photo shoot started.     

Cupcake is now 6 months.  She's loving FOOD,  pretty much anything and everything thus far, except peas.  I've made my own baby food this time and it's been fun to try things with her.  We've done squash, sweet potatoes, pears, plums, blueberries, applesauce,  carrots, peas, and green beans.  She is now sitting up and then flops onto her belly to roll around and scoots in a circle, but I'm kind of hoping that she doesn't start crawling before Christmas.  She just adores big brother and sister and is all smiles to sit up with them.  Oh and she has found her voice - it is so not quiet.  She squeals when she's happy, giggly, mad, tired,  and she says ba ba ba alot. 

And finally I tried to get a pic with Miss Peanut and myself.  She was being such a goof, here is the result:

I know most people are not so excited about it,  but it snowed yesterday.  :)  And I love it!  I'm secretly hoping for lots  and lots more of it so that we can at the very minimum have a White Christmas. However, I shouldn't because Officer hates driving in it and I don't blame him... he had to work 5 extra hours last night because of it.  People were sliding off the roads all over the place.

Trick or Treat

I asked miss Peanut today Trick? or Treat?  She said trick.  I wasn't expecting that and didn't have anything witty or funny planned,  maybe tomorrow we'll try again.  Tonight was our annual Trunk or Treat at the church.  Since having kids,  Officer has worked 3 of 4 Halloweens, so its often a challenge for me to get the kids all ready and out the door.  We made it though, and it was really fun - the primary even had a "Monster Mash"  dance party for the kids and I'd say that was the highlight of the night for Handsome.  Miss Peanut was not interested in much other than the Trick or treating part and Little miss cupcake wanted nothing to do with her costume, so I have no picture of her in it yet - Monday,  she will wear it long enough to get a picture!  Mwahahaha! The low point - was when I caught an extension cord on the stroller and knocked an entire crock pot of soup onto the church carpet - I'm just that talented. I'll shoot for better pictures on Halloween, but this was all I got today.

My Pirate :)

My Princess (so glad she wanted to be Belle again.)

 

 Our Friends

  Our Pirate was smitten by cute Miss Rapunzel.  At our Monster Mash check out this video.  

Handsome is such a ladies man/gentleman already. :) You can see Rapunzel's cute dancing feet in the upper right corner or the video.  He totally heads straight for Rapunzel and offers his hand to dance with her,  you'll see it  if you watch close in the video.  My visiting teacher will kill me cause she is the mom in the foreground, but you have to watch my little pirate.

Picture Perfect

Officer had been working all weekend (he works nights you see); I saw him for about 10 minutes as he headed out to go hunting at midnight Sunday night for a few days.  I had a baby who had been up every 1-2 hours each night all weekend  and wouldn't go back to sleep without nursing (she's been sleeping 8-10 hours for a while now, so I had been a little spoiled :).  So needless to say this weekend was entirely exhausting.  By Tuesday morning I was fried.  After being up all night once again the other morning went a little something like this:

• 6:30am Cupcake is finally back asleep.
• 6:59 am Handsome wakes up
• 7:03  Handsome in front of PBS with some cocoa (carnation breakfast); mom crawls back in bed hoping PBS will keep him occupied long enough for me to catch a few more minutes of sleep before I tackle the day. 
• 7:08 Miss Peanut woke up and was now occupied by PBS as well
• 7:10 Handsome comes down the hall to find me followed by the aroma of his hind side.  
• 7:12 I drag myself out of bed to change him before his newly discovered skill of taking off his clothes creates a bigger problem 
• 7:13  Miss Peanut races to the potty 
• 7:14 Handsome back to PBS; Miss Peanut apologizing for peeing in her pants.  
• 7:15  Mom tells Miss Peanut that she is upset as she slips on chocolate milk barf in the hallway.
• 7:16  Mom crying while scrubbing barf from feet and the floor;  Miss Peanut whaling that she is so so sorry.  
• 7:17  Cupcake wakes up screaming due to Miss Peanut's whaling.  Handsome crying for me to hold him. 
• 7:18  Mommy  and 3 babies crying.  
• 7:19  Mommy calls her mommy crying.  
• 7:25  Deep breath,  Try starting the day again.
• 9:30  Cupcake asleep again,  Two kids dressed, fed, content with some PBS.  2nd attempt at a few minutes nap.
• 9:35  Handsome so thoughtfully brings me a tall glass of cold water from the fridge,  another recent new talent.  He tries to hand it to me and in the process spills the entire contents into my bed.  
• 9:36 So much for nap. 

With the exception of the crying while scrubbing barf and phone call to my mommy in my sleepless delirium,  I was then able to laugh my way through it.  I'm grateful that we didn't have anywhere we needed to be that day.  We spent most of it in our Jammies.  It was not a picture perfect day by any means and I was incredibly exhausted,  but I feel really blessed to able to be home with my little ones.

Ready, set, go

My little superman, after turning two just last week, has suddenly started to be interested in doing his business big-boy style.  I really had no intention of actually potty training him this early and I don't think I will really take the plunge for a while yet, but when he has asked me to, we have let him try.  Sure enough,  we have had at least one positive potty moment everyday this week,  #1 and #2 because he has said he wanted to use the potty.  There is hope on the horizon that one day we will only have one in diapers...

Fall

Knowing that colder weather is approaching all too fast we've been spending the afternoons in the sandbox,  on the swings, and in the garden.  We were able to have a couple fun playdates this week, but tonight it was just me and the kids.

 I can't believe she is big enough to hang out in the swing!?  How did that happen?  Handsome is trying to get the hang of the big swing now that "bister"  (he has combined baby and sister into bister) has taken the little swing.   His acrobatics were quite comical and he ended up on the ground a lot, but he loved it!  Miss Peanut was busy picking the few flowers that are left this year and building a "world" in the sandbox so I didn't get her pictured while I had the camera outside.

I'm hoping these beautiful fall days stick around a few more weeks, we're just not ready to hibernate for the winter yet.

Harriet Potter

Today I was shopping second hand at a thrift store near my house.  Even with my amazing lasik vision, I bent down to pick up an item off a low shelf and failed to notice a peg sticking out right in front of me. WHACK - it got me.  On the bright side, maybe I could pass for a Harriet Potter, for Halloween?  

Rain Delay

Our plans to go to the Farmstead for Handsome's Birthday had to be postponed because of rain, but only for a week.  The highlight of the affair for Miss Peanut was, of course, the pony ride.  She really surprised me, actually.  This was a first for her and she didn't even hesitate.  Her sweet pony's name was Cody. 

 Handsome on the other hand was terrified even just to sit on his pony Spice, he was perfectly content just to wave to big sister with dad from the fence.  He did love the bumpy PVC pipe; we watched him take off a couple times without a second thought for that slide and it wasn't until after he went down and looked up to find a crowd of strangers at the bottom of the slide that he got a little nervous and started looking for mom or dad.  Cupcake didn't get to participate too much in the activities, but was pretty darn cute hanging out in the stroller as long as she didn't have to have her hat on.       

Blog Makeover.

For a few months I've been struggling to keep up with the blog among other things.  Nothing too serious, it's just the normal after baby adjustment period and trying to get the hang of things adding another little set of hands to take care of.  I get overwhelmed sometimes if I think too much about the responsibility I have as a mother.  This summer I was insistent that I could help with something super important I'm sure, but one of my sister-in-laws said "It's just not your season." Of course I was capable of doing it, but my hands were busy tending to little hands.  I heard that again today actually, "It's just not your season," from another sister-in-law.  I love being a mother;  I'm just learning that even though I'm capable of doing a lot of things, it isn't really needful to (I'm kind of a perfectionist, and kind of stubborn like that; it takes me a while to figure some simple things like that out.).  Especially not right now while my little ones are little.  So for now, this is my season; to focus on my little family because that is what matters most and all too soon seasons change.
Love this  and this  
Keep scrolling for the other posts I finally finished.  

Old Soul

 There are wise words from an old soul contained within this little three year old. Today she shared a few with me; I just love her.

Happy Birthday

This handsome sweet boy turned 2.  To celebrate we were going to go to the Farmstead, but we got rained out.  Instead we had all of our family over for warm yummy soup and dump truck cupcakes. It was a fabulous affair!   This little boy was in heaven with all the cars, trucks, police cars, planes he got.  

When I leave this frail existence...

When I leave this frail existence,
When I lay this mortal by,
Father, Mother, may I meet you
In your royal courts on high?
Then, at length, when I've completed
All you sent me forth to do,
With your mutual approbation
Let me come and dwell with you.

These are touching words in the final verse of the hymn O My Father, but more than that they were words to a hymn that my Grandma Izzy held dear.  Just a few weeks before she passed away I was able to take my little family down to visit her.  Although she was quite ill,  I was able spend a little while quietly sitting at her bedside.  I sat holding my baby in one hand and her hand in the other.  I will never forget those moments with her;  she was at peace in her life because she had lived it faithfully, she had been away from her husband for nearly 20 years, and she was at peace with what lay ahead for her both in this life and beyond.  I felt that peace from her; I wanted so much to just stay with her a little longer and listen to her.  It was just a matter of just a couple of weeks before she passed away and it wonderful see all of her Children, Grandchildren, and Great-grand children come together.  What an amazing influence one woman can have on so many.  She was so loved and will be greatly missed, but we know that it will not be for too long.           

Video Links

Here are some video links from this summer fun.  Enjoy.
1 - Cupcake finds her voice
2 - Dancing at the "Ninja Park"
3 - Handsome
4 - Miss Peanut as "The Mom"
5  - Miss Peanut - On "Where milk comes from"
6 - Miss Peanut - Teaching her cousin to ride a bike, except when he's down.

A little help please.

The other day I was busy with something and I asked Miss Peanut for a little help.  Cupcake had woken up and wanted some attention and I asked Miss Peanut to go in and sing her a song.  This is what I found a few minutes later.  Gratefully Cupcake was still in one piece and everyone was happy.

Cousins

Our kids are also having withdrawals from cousins.  Last month we had swimming lessons every morning for 2 weeks with cousins,  several family lunch or dinner functions with cousins, one trip to the zoo, and a cousin sleepover, followed by 8 days camping with our CA/AZ cousins.  We had lots of fun and Miss Peanut talks constantly about all the fun memories she's made this summer with them.  We're hoping to see them all again soon.  

Grandma Izzy

I have hundreds of memories of my grandma; I've been thinking about a few of them.

• she makes handmade chocolates, I still want to learn how to do that from her.
• I remember sneaking eclairs from the fridge in the spider room when we were visiting for my aunt Jana's wedding - they were so good.
• I have a picture of me as a little girl wearing her shoes 
• Playing dress up in her costume jewelry.
• The old barbie collection she let us play with as kids.
• she took us swimming in the summer, a lot.
• she took us to see plays,  I've tried to start doing that with Miss Peanut.
• she taught us card games; golf, hand and foot, canasta.
• I make gooshy cinnamon toast because of her.
• she took us shopping when we stayed with her in the summers, sometimes to Park City.
• I think I got some of my thriftiness from her, she is always watching ads for sales whether its groceries or clothes.
• She came to my college graduation
• I lived with her during two summer internships I had, one right before I got married.  I really appreciated that time I was able to spend with her.  She even let me trim and paint her toenails once during that time.
• We visited my Grandpa's gravesite together.  I can't imagine how hard some times have been for her since he passed away.
• She makes yummy chocolate fudge for ice cream.
• She let Officer and I do laundry at her house  for months when we first got married and didn't have a washer/dryer.
• We were able to meet up with her for lunch once when we had a layover in Salt Lake.
• We've been able to stay with her numerous times over the years when we've been in town to visit.  I'm glad all my kids have met her.  
• I was so grateful that she came to Cupcake's blessing and Officer's award ceremonies in April.

That is just a handful I can think of right off.  I've been thinking that I need to make a trip to visit her for a while. I don't really think that it is coincidence that people are on our mind, I just need to remember to act on those impressions sooner when I have them.  I'm at such a busy point in my life right now with little kids;  time just speeds up and before you know it,  I've been intending to call or plan a trip to visit for weeks or months.  I found out yesterday that my grandma has a tumor near her pancreas.  We won't know how serious for another week or so, but never really a good thing.  I called her after that.  She told me she had just had a dream that past night about me and my family. She probably couldn't tell, but I cried.  We had a nice chat,  I could tell that she hasn't been feeling well - a little more tired.   She's 81 now.  As I knelt to pray last night many of my thoughts were of her and what a strong woman she is and the example she has been for me.      This news just made me stop and realize that we take so many people for granted, they are just always there, and someday they may not be.  So if you haven't recently tell them you love them.

3 of a kind?

I've been asked more lately it seems like who my babies look like.  So, here are my three babies at about 3 months.  To me they all look different from each other and from us.  
Here is what mom and dad looked like at about the same age.

Curious George.

This is my curious george; or my family circus cartoon where the little boy is followed all over by a dotted line.  I love this little face, he is one of the three most precious things I have in my care.  You just truly don't understand until some things until you become a parent;  a mother.  I have a lot left to learn for sure, but last night  I lost this little boy.  It was the most panicked 4 minutes I have ever experienced  in my life.      Next to the other panicked 2 minutes I had with him a couple weeks ago when I saw him face down in a swimming pool.  This boy is afraid of nothing and that scares me.  I hope he has more than 9 lives, because he has used 3 in just the last few weeks.

Have you ever seen the play/movie "It's a Miracle"?  There is a part in there where this LDS missionary  going about his day while his guardian angel is constantly ahead of him protecting him from various things - its kind of comical.  Anyway, I just think this little boy has more than the usual number of guardian angels watching out for him for my sake, and he keeps them busy.  Two weeks ago while swimming I was sitting with Cupcake and Miss Peanut and Handsome in the kiddie pool.  I had just seen handsome, but I shot out of my seat looking for him and found him face down in the deep end.  Officer was just feet from him with his back to him, I saw Handsome throw his body back enough to get him out of the water for a breath before he went back under.  I made it a habit that he just has a life jacket on at all times, but he was still face down.  In my panic I didn't hand cupcake off to anyone so I couldn't jump in and I felt like I couldn't yell loud enough, I felt totally helpless.  I'm so glad Officer was close enough to get to him quickly, but it was still the longest two minutes ever...until last night.

I sometimes feel like my kids miss out on ward parties, etc because it's hard to go with little little kids by yourself and often Officer is working because of his shift.  Now it wouldn't be as big a deal if I had two of me,  but most of the time it's just me.  Last night I decided to take the kids to our ward party at a local park.  Officer took his lunch to come eat with us, but after he had to leave for a call, my hands were full.  I was watching the kids on the playground and chatting with a gal in my ward and somehow I looked away just long enough to for him to slip from my view.  Literally I looked down to give Cupcake a binky and when I looked back up to take inventory of the other two again he was gone.  I watched for just a minute waiting for him to come down a slide or pop up somewhere but he didn't.  I started circling the park and as I passed a few people I recruited their help, but the longer he was out of site the more panicked I got. Gratefully the party planners had a microphone/sound system set up and the announced it so that more people started looking.  He found very quickly by some of our good friends but he was quite a distance from the playground in just a matter of maybe 5 minutes.  I don't want to live like a hermit with my kids locked and leashed and I'm learning to give them some freedom because my other two hand are usually taking care of Cupcake.  It really is difficult to let go though and I don't even have any little ones in school yet.

Being married to Officer I feel like I've had to have great faith that when he goes to work, he will come home.  I have faith that he will not be taken from this earth before it is his time to go; that he will be protected. If I didn't, I would be paranoid and anxious all the time because of the things he sees and deals with daily.  I'm trying to have that faith with my children.  I learning that they won't always be in my care,  and I can't control what happens when I'm not there, but I have faith that they will come home safely to me. And this little man is surely keeping his guarding angels busy.