To Run Faster Than is Needful (Part 2)

Read Part 1

In the months since that day, I have been amazed by the love and support that we have had from our friends and family and especially our ward family.  I spent 4 days in the hospital before I was able to go home.  For 2 months I was not able to bear weight on my right leg as the fracture began to heal.  I was on a walker for those two months, which, let me tell you is not conducive to motherhood.  I had plenty of frustrations in that time because of my inability to do even the most basic of things to take care of myself and my family.  I couldn’t make meals, shop for groceries, drive myself or kids to appointments, change diapers, laundry, bathing my kids or myself.  I had incredible amounts of help and service given to our family. One of the most significant was that a friend and co-worker of Adam volunteered to switch and take his night shift allowing Adam to be home in the evenings to help me.  That meant that for 4 months he took a night shift so that Adam had his day shift, even though he also has a young family.  Every week for 2 months a friend of mine cleaned my bathrooms.  The ward brought meals every night that Adam worked for two months.  I had people helping me with the kids, taking them to parks, for play dates, etc.  Family and friends would drop by and say what can I clean or help with?  They would drop by with notes, flowers, books, treats, snacks, muffins, pancakes, etc.  My visiting teachers and many others came to clean, sweep, mop, help with laundry, and watched kids numerous times for or drove me to appointments with Dr’s and physical therapy and pool therapy. One dear sister in our ward came every afternoon for weeks, to help me clean up the messes of the day before Adam would get home from work so that he didn’t have to after getting kids to bed.  The young women in our ward came and cleaned my house and also helped with babysitting for various appointments.  My nephew and the scouts helped mow the lawn during the summer.  My teenage niece and my sister each came and stayed for 2 weeks to help me 24/7 with the kids – can you imagine spending your summer vacation jumping into that as a teen? One night, when Adam was still working nights, I remember having 8 people at my house to help me with a normal bedtime routine and laundry.  I know that if you take any mom of the equation for even a short time – it takes an army to take her place to keep a home running.  

The list goes on and I have been and continue to be amazed at the charity and service of others.  My heart has been changed; with greater love and compassion for those who have done so much to help me and my family through this.  The reality is that it will never be possible to “pay back” all of those people for what they have done, but I can pay it forward.  After 2 months the fracture was healing well and I was given the okay to start putting weight on my leg again and over a few weeks was able to move from a walker to crutches.  Just FYI, crutches are also not easy for a mom with little ones.  Although the fracture is healing, by this time I had been to many doctors and had many tests done.  Ultimately I still don’t have a lot of answers.  I had a bone scan that revealed that I have Osteopenia, which are the early signs of Osteoporosis.  This is concerning given my age and activity level, most with test results like mine are usually found in postmenopausal women in their late 50s.  I live a relatively healthy active life, really doing the things that should prevent this kind of condition, so it was a concern for my doctors because several things just aren’t adding up.  I have been referred on to a highly recommended endocrinologist in the area, which I have been waiting to see for almost 2 months.  In the meantime I have Googled too many things and it always raises some concerns, but hopefully once I see him we can start getting some clarification and a plan of treatment.  

Despite all of this, we have tried to have a summer and do some fun things with our kids.  We’ve taken a couple trips to our family cabin, always fun and lots of laughs.  I took Lydia to see an out door play of Cinderella in the small town where the cabin is.  By august I was feeling well enough that we made a trip out to California to see Adam’s family and visit before his sister moved to Ghana.  Once I got back from California I felt like I was finally moving around better.  I was down to one crutch, and I finally got the okay to drive again, started making dinners again regularly, and other normal things.  Now, four months later, I am mostly off the crutches, but I still limp and probably will for several more months.  We continue to have our struggles, me especially as I try to resume “super mom,” but ultimately I’m just not going to be there for a while.  Adam has been great through all of this.  He had to play the part of mom and dad for a while and we feel constantly exhausted in so many ways.  This is just such a small things when we back out and look at the greater picture.  We have also seen many friends go through very difficult things this summer and we are grateful that this is temporary.  There have been so many lessons that we have learned over this summer, it has given us a chance to slow down a little and realize that we don’t need to run faster than is needful and often we do. 

To Run Faster Than is Needful (Part 1)

Where to begin… May 15, 2012

Something felt a little off after I finished running just three miles.  I did a short run because I was trying to rest before Saturday, my first half marathon.   I had SI joint problems during pregnancy and that’s what it felt like, nothing to really worry about.  I took it kind of easy, used ice, Ibuprofen, and did some exercises.  For the most part the pain was gone.  I thought, see I know what to do, it’ll be fine.  I kept having the impression to not run the race.  No.  Way.  I was not going to let a little bit of discomfort stop me, that would be silly, I can do hard things and this is not a hard thing,  I knew that my body was capable of running much harder.  Two days later, I ran again, 6 miles this time.  It didn’t hurt until the last 5 minutes.  It’s getting better, I thought, see I know what to do, I can do this.  Followed by the impression and uneasiness of feeling like I maybe I shouldn’t run the race,  maybe get it checked out, but that won’t tell me anything and they might possibly say I shouldn’t run I argued with myself, I don’t hurt that much and I shrugged it off.    Rest.  Ice.  Exercises.  Once again the pain was gone. 

May 19, 2012.  The big day arrived.  I didn’t want to wake the family, I texted Adam that I would see him at the finish line about 11/11:30 that morning.  I was excited.  I’d wanted to do this for a long time.  Knowing that I had been hurting I thought I’ll take it easy, but I’ll finish.  I started strong; it was a beautiful morning for a run.  Clear blue skies; it was a little chilly at the starting line, but once I started running it was refreshing. All the beauty around me, running alongside the Boise River, the trees, the breeze, and my IPod keeping me smiling song after song.  I love that feeling when I run; I don’t have a care in the world.  As we started getting into the city I was nearing mile 9 when the little twinges I had felt off and on became very constant.  I modified my running a little to help, and that got me another half mile or so, but as neared mile 10 I kept fighting the impression that I needed to walk.  If I started walking it would be harder to start running again, I didn’t want to stop.  If impressions could yell – it was screaming in my face.  I finally surrendered.  I walked, for a few minutes, I thought, you have 5 minutes and then pick it up again – you can do this.  And I could – I had run nearly 12 miles pain free the previous Saturday and felt amazing after.  I knew I was capable.  I ran and walked and ran and walked, fighting until I reached mile 10 when the screaming impressions said if you do not walk you will not finish.  I was in pain now with every step, FINE, I gave in, I will walk and when I get to the end I will run so that my kids can see mommy finish strong, running.  I walked, mad, in pain, discouraged, disappointed, but I kept walking. It was still beautiful outside, the sound of the river was a good distraction, but as I was passed by more and more runners I was embarrassed and discouraged that I had to walk.  I was starting to cramp up and I stopped to stretch at about 12.5 miles hoping that would ease the pain I was feeling and then continued on.  I was nearing the end; I could hear the cheers for other runner as they approached the finish.  I can jog I thought, I took a couple steps and stopped, that was not going to happen.  I kept walking.  I made it to 13 miles.  I’ve made it this far even if I don’t run,  I’m almost there,  my kids and Adam are waiting,  I had to keep moving forward.  I saw a couple familiar faces and they cheered me on and as they walked away I could see it now, the finish.  I felt a little hope that I was almost done, but at the same time my steps slowed, my right leg felt heavier.  Finally I stopped.  I bent forward pressing my hands into my knees and tears welling up in my eyes.  I felt like I was yelling back at my impressions now – I’M ALMOST THERE!  I CAN SEE IT, I can’t come this far and not finish.  I HAVE TO FINISH.  I couldn’t move; my right leg felt like an anchor and I could not physically make my body take another step.  I looked up, and three runners came to my side.  You can do this they encouraged me – you’re so close you have to finish.  I told them that I couldn’t lift my leg, they offered me a shoulder to lean on, and they took all of my weight.  I moved forward, slowly, very, slowly. I apologized that I couldn’t do it on my own; they were encouraging with every step.  I thought okay, try again, and I lowered my right foot to the ground.  As I started to put minimal pressure through the ball of my right foot I felt my right hip collapse.  The pain wasn’t any worse, but I knew that was not good and I knew then that there was no way I could cross that finish line on my own.    As I rounded the final turn I looked up to see Adam running toward me.  He told the runners who had come to my aid that I was his wife and scooped me up like I was a feather.  I felt it then, as my right hip thumped against his waist with each step.  It was only 95 steps to the finish and I could hear a lot of cheers and applause as we passed.  He set me down at the finish and with his support I hopped over the finish line on my left leg and then moved to the side where they quickly brought in a gurney and I was moved to the ambulance.  When I started off the race that was not at all how I intended to finish, but I did finish.         

That afternoon and evening are a vivid blur. It came as quite a shock to me, and the doctors, that I had fractured my right hip and would need surgery to repair it.  Everything happened fast and I was in surgery by 7:30 that night.  I slept heavily that night aided by medications and ice.  As I slept, I dreamt.  I was running again.   

Reason to Believe

 I've only heard it a couple of times in the last few months, but I don't know how many times I listened to it today. I can't hear this song without crying, like almost to the point of blubbering.  I know that is such a silly girly thing to do, but it's true.  This was one of my favorite songs that I loved running to the week I ran the half marathon. Saying that I miss running terribly just doesn't cover it.  It will be at least a year before I get the okay to run, if everything else checks out.  I am working my bootey off now and waiting to see another specialist in another 6 weeks (the soonest they could get me in) about what is really going on.  I have written down a lot of my story,  but writing it is really personal and I'm not sure I'm ready to share it all just yet.  So for the 2 of you who might check this.  I am here, we are doing well, we are plugging along,  and I will try to catch up soon.  

Well, hello again.

It's been a little while and I have a lot to post, for now I'll share Miss Peanuts Dance recital from last week. She was DARLING! She enjoyed every second of being on stage and asked when she could do it again. She loved performing! Anyway, for now, enjoy. And hopefully I'll post more about my hip mishap soon.

Happy Birthday Dear Cupcake!

Happy Birthday my dear sweet and sassy baby girl!  I can hardly believe how quickly one year has passed. Aunt C (I say that, but you have 3 aunt C's?) took these darling pictures of you.   I haven't seen all the pictures yet,  but they are too adorable not to share,  you are adorable!    

Traditionally I guess I should recount the year and all you've acomplished, but what really is most important is that our family is just so blessed and happy to have you and you help us stop and smile and laugh everyday by the simple things that make your life full. 

I could watch this a hundred times,  I watched it at least a dozen while I was waiting for it to upload.  I was inspired by, mimiced this after, a video my cousin did - I'm not even a fraction as talented, but I put this together last year so that family far away could be introduced I don't know that I ever actually posted it.

 Happy Birthday!

Nuts About Pecans

Yesterday was rainy,  like all day and sometimes you get really couped up,  but this time we had a little friend to entertain us.  This friend - we go way back.  Like we have seen this same squirrelly friend for at least 5 years run along our back fence almost daily.  We were shelling pecans the other day and left the bag on the patio table.  Well, we forgot about it,  but to this little squirrel friend of ours it was a treat.  For at least an hour we watched this little guy, come back and forth taking pecans.  We were in stitches laughing so hard about his sneaky tactics.  Poor thing was terrified when my kids would squeal that he even slipped and fell off the table once.  Anyway,  if its ever raining, and you're bored,  just watch for some little critter friends.

Before&After

Most of our project is finished.  I'm so grateful that Officer was willing to help with my honey do's - look how awesome that stand turned out!  I still need to actually decorate the room with s few detail-ish things,  I need to hit a couple new flee market places I've seen, but for now I'm just feeling a little spoiled - okay maybe a lot spoiled.  After having a washer not working for a week you can imagine the mountain of laundry I have and these babies,  I think I may name them considering all they do to help me out,  took care of the mountain in just 4 loads. Thats right you heard me,  4 loads - it's a beautiful thing.   

Sunday Afternoon

The picture in the middle was my view when I laid down on the grass to hang out with the kids this afternoon.  It was a beautiful day and my kids love to play in the back yard.  Miss Peanut was investigating all the ants and leaves today and experimenting with tricks on the swings.  I'm not sure how I feel about that -  I did too many things like that and fell off way too many times -  I really don't want her to get hurt.  Such a fun beautiful girl! 

 Check.  Him.  Out!  He is so, so handsome!  I just love him, at church today not so much - it was a wrestling match for most of the day.  He is just a little curious george and into everything!

 And this little princess is 51 weeks old.  Remember how when they are little you keep track by the weeks.  She turns 1 on Saturday!  I love that I can set her down on the grass and she doesn't go far because she doesn't like the feel of the grass on her feet.  Check out how she lifts up her feet to keep it off the grass.  So cute!

Laundry is piling up.

So,  we've been having a few issues with our washer and dryer and decided it was time for an upgrade. It's almost been 1 week without a working washer and the laundry is piling up  We bought a new fancy frontloading set and I decided that before they deliver them we ought to update the room.  We decided instead of spending oodles of moo-la on the pedestals we would make them and paint the room etc.  I got brave and decided I was going to paint the cabinets about the washer,  they are primed, but I'm still a little nervous about the paint part.    Check out the pedestal that my hubby made on the right side of the picture- he's got skills. It will look awesome when I'm all finished painting it!  Its going to take a little while to get everything back together. but here is the before and in the middle.

Isn't he Handy!

I love my phone,  it takes pretty good video and its so much faster to upload.  We break into song quite regularly at our house.  This next little number has been repeated many times in recent weeks.  Everytime I hear this cute little voice I melt just a little bit.  He's just so darling!

If you didn't quite get that or aren't familiar with the shows.  He is suddenly very entertained by Handy Manny and Bob the Builder.  We go to the library each week for story time with the kids and pick out some books (and a few shows to get mom through dad's work week).  Anywho - Handy Manny and Bob are his latest request,  every week. 

Spring is finally in the air

I really hope spring is here to stay,  we've had some crazy up and down temperatures lately dropping like 40 degrees in 48-ish hours.  The other day I left to run some errands and it was sunny and snowing at the same time.    The kids are loving being outside for hours!  We've gotten the start of our garden planted and we're excited to watch it grow. 

Backyard chalk art,  transfered to bootey,  love this  lovey girl! 

Daddy is a little disappointed that this isn't some Police hat,  but they only give out sticker badges,  what do you expect?  He really is dressed most of the time, I promise.

And this darling baby, is just not a baby anymore. She will turn 1 in just a couple weeks.  This is her enjoying yummy blueberry bran muffins, with honey butter.  You know you want some. 

We had a fun Easter weekend with the traditional Easter eggs hunt.  This is the best propped up camera shot of my cute family that we got after Church. Yep it was propped up in our shrubs.  :) 

 I debated whether or not to do the Easter bunny thing, we did that growing up for a lot of years.  In the end - Pinterest of course has so many simple activites and ideas to help teach the true meaning of Easter thats what I turned to.  So we woke up and Officer made scrambled eggs (His are truly the best - my kids will not eat eggs if I scramble them.  Handsome will eat 4 eggs when Officers makes them.)  Then we had a devotional/"studied" the scriptures as much as you can with a 4, 2, and nearly 1 year old before we went to church.  I used the 12 eggs with something to remind them of the Easter story and hid the eggs for them to find. They found them and mostly Miss Peanut recounted what each item represented.  I'm always so impressed by how much they remember. 

Trying to teach my kids,  obviously led me to reflect on my own feelings about Jesus Christ,  and his attonement for us.  This is one of my favorite Easter messages from  Jeffery R Holland,  I  love his words and always find it so difficult to vocalize my own love and gratitude for, and faith in my Savior. My words will fall short, but I have faith that through his Attonement we will have the priviledge of being surrounded by those we love eternally, and along the road that leads there, he will carry us forward in difficult times and testify to us of his love for us through the Holy Ghost.  We are precious to him, and that loving assurance brings me hope and joy.     

Keeping it simple

Listening to General Conference was just what we needed around here. How about you? It is has been a really great week in our house,  no real special reason.  We've just been getting out in the yard,  getting things ready for our garden,  spring cleaning, going on walks with the kids, kids playing until they are so tired they just fall into bed at night. There are plenty of exhausting days any other week,  but this week  it  has made me grateful for our simple life together.  I love my little family. 

She's walking.

And not just walking,  I mean really it was just a couple weeks ago that she started taking her first solo steps and here she is today.  She is on the move, she wants to keep up with big brother and sister and she gets her boogie on to any music, even my singing ;)

Peek-a-boo

This little girl is hilarious,  we just love her.  But can you believe that this was at midnight one night cause she wouldn't sleep. Either way - so cute! 

This morning Handsome came into my room and said "let's get dressed."  Around his head was a springy sweater vest and he had his pants on halfway, but upside down.  I love when kids are learning to dress themselves - it's so entertaining.

Catch me if you can

That is how I feel about Handsome lately.  When I can catch him,  I love the giggly minute we have together and then he is off again.  The other night after bathtime I literally couldn't catch him, he was all over the house, so I took pictures instead - this is why:

Just a little off the comb-over.

Cupcake was looking a little shaggy and mullet-ish with a slight comb-over and as much as I know some people frown upon giving a baby a haircut, it had to be done and it is just hair and it is already in her baby book. Here is the before:

 

 And After - see, still adorable and mullet/comb-over less.  Love, love, love this baby girl!

And,  we love cookies, and learned how to say uh-oh!  It's really cute!

Preschool

This was Miss Peanut's first day of Preschool.  Such a gorgeous girl and such a goofball - I can't believe she is growing up on me.  Luckily, I get to be part of the co-op preschool and help teach once a month or so.  She loves that she is practicing writing her name more and after the first day of preschool she came home and wrote cat a hundred time because she had learned how to write it.  I'm so glad that it is coming pretty easily to her to read/ learn even some math.  I hope that continues as she gets into gradeschool.

a little of this and that.

I made these last weekend.  They were for my Dad's birthday.  It's always hard to decided what to do for the person who could get whatever he wants,  so I made homemade old-fashioned doughnuts,  one of his favorites.  I had to make extras of course and they were fantastic!  I found the recipe on Pinterest - gotta love it. I also made a turkey dinner and that was fantastic also.  My favorite part has been making leftover turkey sandwiches all all week. 

 There is something eerily familiar about these two photos,  and it's not the date they were taken.  Sadly we have been having a lot of jammie days.  We had weeks of sickness before Christmas and now seems to be round two.  Officer had it a couple weeks ago and is on the end of it, but last night was a long night for the kids.  All of them had fevers, yucky!  I hate when they are sick like that and there isn't much you can do.  So we snuggled, most of the night and all morning today. I'm so tired.

 This little princess has had a rough week.  She got her front top teeth last week and just like the bottom chompers she started biting again when I nurse her, I tried offering a bottle and she took to it pretty well, and has only nursed like once a day. Last night she was so yucky sick,  she had a fever of 102, forever it felt like, even after medicine and getting her out of her jammies.  You know how they get big and snuggling just doesn't happen as much.  She was so tired and so sick and she just wanted to lay in my arms so sleepy and finally wanted to nurse again and not bite me, so maybe we'll hang in there a little longer.  I'm realizing I will miss it.  She is doing a little better today, but still has that I feel yucky look in her eyes and she is so tired.   This was a funny thing about nursing,  just fyi - I think she is hilarious.

 This little boy has been just as snuggly with being sick too. Some days there really should be more of me.  How cute is he!?  And as I write this I realize that this is the last time I've seen that toothbrush...we have others but in the meantime I've been looking for this because it is Lightning McQueen.  Speaking of racing. Usually we watch "the letter show" (wheel of fortune) while I'm getting them out of the tub, but on Saturday - no letter show - what is a mother to do?!  I switched the channel and he saw race cars - NASCAR,  I could be wrong, I don't really know the lingo and I think I will have to know the lingo cause this little guy loves it.  He was glued to the screen, wrecks and everything, and the he cried when I turned it off. 

We have been to the library lots this year,  they have a little preschool storytime and activities, so every week we bring home new books to read.  Miss Peanut loves to read them to Handsome and Cupcake.  I'm amazed at how much they can memorize the stories.  It's been fun to read each night before bed. She is getting ready to start a little Preschool next week. I know I'm a little behind, but with her birthday and having to wait one more year till kindergarten I have put it off.  I know she is bright and will do well in school,  I'm just a little nervous about being her teacher every so often.  We'll see how it goes and we may keep it up in the fall. 

I'm hoping for a little sleep tonight.  I hope writing this doesn't jinx it.  Officer bought me this fun little toy kind of for Valentines,  kind of cause I hinted at it for the last month or so.  My sister got one last fall and now most of my family has purchased them.  Anywho - it tracks all sort of things, but one is sleep.  I know I have been sleep deprived, but once I started using this to track it I realized how bad it has been, especially this week with sick kids. It kind of makes me want to cry or discover some way to freeze time so I can catch somehow.  Anywho.  Officer and I are rarely on the same schedule. It's kind of stinky, but we are looking forward to celebrating his Birthday tomorrow. He'll be the big 32. 

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVE!    

Wishing we could go someplace like here to celebrate, but I'll have to keep wishing.

Kid Comedy.

Today while driving home from the park Officer asked Peanut if she wanted to drive,  she said "no."  He asked "ever?" She still said "no." He asked Handsome the same question.  His reply,  yes,  and when Officer asked what he wanted to drive he said "a motorcycle."  He is SO his father's son; we are in for an adventure with him.


The other day I was getting dinner ready and I often put a show on for the kids to watch so that they aren't at my feet while I'm cooking.  When dinner was ready I told Miss Peanut that is was time to turn off the show and she said "Okay mom,  I will freeze it with the stripes."  Say What??  She learned that the button with two stripes (pause button) will "freeze" the show until later.  Okay,  that works for me.

Happy Valentine's Day!

We started our day with pink pancakes,  they started off as hearts but turned into who can make the biggest pancake and flip it.  Officers family makes ginormous pancakes and I just don't ever get them flipped without half the batter slopping over my kitchen.  We ran out of batter quickly,  this was the biggest pancake I've ever flipped - its so perty and it was yummy too.    The rest of the morning we delievered "balentimes" to our friends and in the afternoon when Officer took peanut to her dance class I set to work on dinner. 

Really dinner had been cooking for a few hours already,  but I was able to keep it all a surprise from Officer.  I decided to celebrate with dinner at home this year rather than getting a babysitter and going out.  It ended up being a really fun night and Officer was really surprised.  I didn't get a picture of the table all set, but you get the idea.  I made BBQ ribs, cornbread with cinnamon-honey butter,  garlic mashed potatoes,  etc.  and cobbler for dessert. It was the first time I'd ever attempted ribs and everything was from scratch, except for the bubbly. It was scrumptious and delicious. I can't imagine trying to make it all fancy like that every day and serve courses but it was fun to surprise my Valentines.    

Family Night

We get a little cabin fever this time of year and we've bee trying to get out and go on walk more and Monday we went and played at the park and then went to dinner at this little dinner called Big Judds.  We shared this Burger - the kids were in awe - really can't you tell?  It was the biggest burger they had ever seen;  really they were too busy eating fries.

Here are some of the videos,  from his phone,  Officer took at the park, gotta love technology!

 

Once there was a snowman.

It snowed this morning.  It wasn't much, but the kids loved being able to play in it for a little while,  we have not had enough of the white stuff this year.  It is getting closer to spring though and they are itching to get outside.  It was a blistering 48 degrees the other day and we bundled everyone up and headed to the park.  The kids were in heaven!
We haven't be doing a lot of exciting things lately,  just hanging at home.  I think Officers schedule really is going to be great for now and we're finally getting adjusted.  It's been nice to be able to have friends over or go to family dinners now that Officer is home on Sundays.  We are going to  try out a little Popcorn Preschool with a few kids from the ward.  Miss Peanut will have to wait one more year before she can start kindergarten so if this goes well we might do this again in the fall for preschool.  Handsome will be the same way, so we may be doing this a lot.  The kids have loved going to the library story times and each week we bring home several books for bedtime.  I love having all my kids snuggle and read with me before bed.    I'll post some video hopefully soon,  I have lots of them to share.

More Cupcake!

Can you blame me? And she is my first baby to keep her blue eyes!  She has this funny way of getting into things.  Miss Peanut and Handsome were climbers,  Cupcake does this over/under thing.  She is often found high centered over the rungs under our kitchen chairs or barstools. The craziest is when I start hearing her squak and I go to find her and she has crawled under a bed on several ocassions.  She love to eat table foods now and loves to read books.  She loves chasing big brother and sister all over the house and looks like a little bug when she tries to crawl fast.  She is standing  too and I'm sure she will be walking by her birthday.  She is just so fun, with the exception still wanting to nurse in middle of the night,  which I thinking mostly because she is teething - she got her two front top teeth last week and more are not far behind.  I've tried crying it out a few times when I know she has been fed,  medicine for teeth etc, but it's hard when I am the only adult in an otherwise quiet house in the middle of the night.  Now that she is just about 10 months I'm thinking about starting to wean her?  My goal has been a year and we're almost there; I kind of have mixed feelings about it.  I really do love nursing my babies and I'm glad that I have been able to.  At the same time I feel selfish because I want to drop the last of this baby weight, which has never happened for me while nursing and her brand new chompers aren't exactly nursing friendly.      

Super Bowl Party

This is the first time in years that Officer didn't have to work on Sunday,  and more specifically Superbowl Sunday, so you can better believe that we had to throw ourselves a little party.  That afternoon we threw together some snacks.  Miss Peanut made little smokies in a blanket with pretty minimal supervision - it was fun to see her in the kitchen. As we were watching the game Handsome kept saying "they fall down."  We tried to explain that was called a tackle, so then he would say "they tackle fall down."  Because it was a last minute plan, we thought it was just going to be us,  but some friends and my dad dropped by and it turned out to be a pretty fun night. 

Cupcake: 9 Months

How that happened already - I can't believe.  She is weighing in at a whopping 17 lbs 8 oz.  And as far as percentiles, 25th across the board.  She is happy and healthy and so much fun.  I love watching her figure things out,  those little gears working away in there, so cute!  I could do without the teething - I didn't miss that since Handsome.  Here's a cute video of her!

Catching up.

So to catch you up on life around here look how darling these three are!  Cupcake is now crawling and cruising around everything and ocassionally standing.  I know really - I'm just now posting Christmas...

 Cupcake loved the wrapping paper, Handsome loves cars,  that is all he got for Christmas,  Miss Peanut got dance lessons and Little Pet shop stuff,  officer got another gun,  I got kitchen/canning stuff :)  Officer worked most of Christmas day/weekend so we decided to get out of town to the cabin for some snow and quiet during the week after Christmas. 

We had fun, played in the snow, drank lots of hot cocoa, napped lots, and Uncle David came up with some friends for a day and it was fun to spend time with them. 

Inspired by my sister in law we started having a new years party with our kids (4 years now) where we come up with a few simple resolutions as a family and celebrate with some bubbly. Many of the goals stay the same each year, a few change. We all sign it and it hangs in a frame in our living room and we talk about them often at prayer or family home evening. Forgive the pictures - I realized once we got them in the frame that I hadn't changed the year - we have since.

Miss Peanut started dance lessons and I have to admit I was one of those gushing parents who just couldn't get over how stinkin cute her little girl it dancing.  Officer taught Miss Peanut how to use scissors and left her unattended for a couple minutes because she was doing so good...that is like the cardinal rule about kids and scissors - inevitably she cut her hair...I took a video I'll have to post.  She cried when I asked her if she wanted to cut it like Rapunzel,  gratefully it blended in okay without having to chop her hair.   Around the house,  we are finally replacing the slider door that the one window pane shattered in November.  For whatever reason it was not a standard size door and we've had to order it and send it back 2 times because they keep giving us the wrong size and no one stocks it.  Hopefully it will be finished this week.  We also built shelves in our coat closet where the kids will sleep,  just kidding.  It did give us lots of room though for keeping board games and DVDs out of reach.  And...we met with a builder about building a house...don't get all excited.  It's probably not going to happen for a little while, but we have been looking for property.  We have for a long time,  but we found one property that we really liked and unfortunately someone bought it while we were doing some serious number crunching to see if we could actually build there because of the expenses to build a well and septic, etc.  So,  we are disappointed,  I'm a little relieved though too,  but we at least have a floorplan we really like and can keep dreaming about. 

Juggling

Officer learned how to juggle on his mission, I'm not even novice when it comes to juggling. Today I read a few things in this. Not from January, but the new one that came in the mail today. There is always something in there, without fail, that I needed to read. One article in particular was called "Finding Harmony as we Struggle to Juggle." That seems like the story of my life, and really the story for most of us. I would not trade my challenges for anyone elses,' I know mine are probably laughable to most, yet they are a challenge for me. Coming down from the busy-ness of the Holidays and just keeping up with our usual, add to it my new years resolution to get back into regular exercise, family resolutions, etc Officer's scheduled changed and it threw us for a loop. We have a stable job, I can stay home, and I'm so grateful that for the first time in 4 years he has Sunday evenings off. But in exchange his is working a later swing shift and sorry if this is TMI - I miss sleeping in the same bed as my hubby! For all you ladies out there that have hubbies that work swings or grave shifts, you are my heros! It has been nearly 3 years now that Officer has worked nights and it just seems that we are literally passing in the night/wee hours of the morning sometimes/most times. I've said it before, we are both exhausted most of the time and I don't care how you say it, it is HARD on family life!  This time around has kicked me in the hindside! Then add all the normal things you do outside the wall of your home and I don't know where to cut things out and say no. What I wouldn't give for a few nights of normal uninterrupted sleep right now...I know that would help my current perspective and I know I can't have it all, but I am constantly feeling like I put myself on the back burner because that is pretty much my only option and I'm burnt out. I remember an old friend saying that she wasn't sure she could have anymore kids because she was just too selfish. It's true though, motherhood is probably the most selfless thing we'll do in our life. BUT I still have to take care of myself (for me that is sleep and exercise mostly) so I can handle the rest. I had to laugh a little at the article in the Ensign because it suggested taking a walk and talking with your spouse to multitask basically, but whose watching the kids? I have a hard time finding someone who has time willingly to come hang out with my 3 kids just so that I can go walk/talk with my hubby - it would be nice though - someday when my kids are in school or something. Seriously what do you mommies do? You know Pinterest, who doesn't, well this was on there:

 

Now I didn't love this so much that I hung it on my wall or anything, but it does a decent job of summing up my feelings somedays. I love my kids and I love spending my time with my little family, but I constantly feel like I have to forgive myself for doing it all wrong again and again. I'm sure that therapy will probably be mandatory for my children to recover from their childhood. I read thisthe other day too and I felt like she was real about motherhood and moments you just plain didn't bargin for. My mom chuckled "paybacks." And I think "I wasn't that challenging was I?" I'm sure I probably was. Anyway, despite the not so pretty moments, there are a million moments that I look at my children and just adore them, they are so wonderfully exhausting. I just hope they forgive me for my constant mistakes in raising them. I say: try again, a lot right now to Miss Peanut and Handsome...and for myself too, what can I say - I'm a piece of work in progress -  sometimes the progress is really slow.  Sorry that you get to be my sounding board lately,  the hubby and I have been passing in the night way too much lately so much that he'll probably read it here before we actually have time catch up. Wowza - not what you bargined for when you came to my blog today...and thanks for listening. (to the one person who might actually read through it :)

Forgive me, I'm slacking.

I don't even have a pic/video to post to hold you over in the meantime; I still haven't uploaded anything to my computer.  I have great hopes to post something soon.