Juggling

Officer learned how to juggle on his mission, I'm not even novice when it comes to juggling. Today I read a few things in this. Not from January, but the new one that came in the mail today. There is always something in there, without fail, that I needed to read. One article in particular was called "Finding Harmony as we Struggle to Juggle." That seems like the story of my life, and really the story for most of us. I would not trade my challenges for anyone elses,' I know mine are probably laughable to most, yet they are a challenge for me. Coming down from the busy-ness of the Holidays and just keeping up with our usual, add to it my new years resolution to get back into regular exercise, family resolutions, etc Officer's scheduled changed and it threw us for a loop. We have a stable job, I can stay home, and I'm so grateful that for the first time in 4 years he has Sunday evenings off. But in exchange his is working a later swing shift and sorry if this is TMI - I miss sleeping in the same bed as my hubby! For all you ladies out there that have hubbies that work swings or grave shifts, you are my heros! It has been nearly 3 years now that Officer has worked nights and it just seems that we are literally passing in the night/wee hours of the morning sometimes/most times. I've said it before, we are both exhausted most of the time and I don't care how you say it, it is HARD on family life!  This time around has kicked me in the hindside! Then add all the normal things you do outside the wall of your home and I don't know where to cut things out and say no. What I wouldn't give for a few nights of normal uninterrupted sleep right now...I know that would help my current perspective and I know I can't have it all, but I am constantly feeling like I put myself on the back burner because that is pretty much my only option and I'm burnt out. I remember an old friend saying that she wasn't sure she could have anymore kids because she was just too selfish. It's true though, motherhood is probably the most selfless thing we'll do in our life. BUT I still have to take care of myself (for me that is sleep and exercise mostly) so I can handle the rest. I had to laugh a little at the article in the Ensign because it suggested taking a walk and talking with your spouse to multitask basically, but whose watching the kids? I have a hard time finding someone who has time willingly to come hang out with my 3 kids just so that I can go walk/talk with my hubby - it would be nice though - someday when my kids are in school or something. Seriously what do you mommies do? You know Pinterest, who doesn't, well this was on there:

 

Now I didn't love this so much that I hung it on my wall or anything, but it does a decent job of summing up my feelings somedays. I love my kids and I love spending my time with my little family, but I constantly feel like I have to forgive myself for doing it all wrong again and again. I'm sure that therapy will probably be mandatory for my children to recover from their childhood. I read thisthe other day too and I felt like she was real about motherhood and moments you just plain didn't bargin for. My mom chuckled "paybacks." And I think "I wasn't that challenging was I?" I'm sure I probably was. Anyway, despite the not so pretty moments, there are a million moments that I look at my children and just adore them, they are so wonderfully exhausting. I just hope they forgive me for my constant mistakes in raising them. I say: try again, a lot right now to Miss Peanut and Handsome...and for myself too, what can I say - I'm a piece of work in progress -  sometimes the progress is really slow.  Sorry that you get to be my sounding board lately,  the hubby and I have been passing in the night way too much lately so much that he'll probably read it here before we actually have time catch up. Wowza - not what you bargined for when you came to my blog today...and thanks for listening. (to the one person who might actually read through it :)