Catching up.

So to catch you up on life around here look how darling these three are!  Cupcake is now crawling and cruising around everything and ocassionally standing.  I know really - I'm just now posting Christmas...

 Cupcake loved the wrapping paper, Handsome loves cars,  that is all he got for Christmas,  Miss Peanut got dance lessons and Little Pet shop stuff,  officer got another gun,  I got kitchen/canning stuff :)  Officer worked most of Christmas day/weekend so we decided to get out of town to the cabin for some snow and quiet during the week after Christmas. 

We had fun, played in the snow, drank lots of hot cocoa, napped lots, and Uncle David came up with some friends for a day and it was fun to spend time with them. 

Inspired by my sister in law we started having a new years party with our kids (4 years now) where we come up with a few simple resolutions as a family and celebrate with some bubbly. Many of the goals stay the same each year, a few change. We all sign it and it hangs in a frame in our living room and we talk about them often at prayer or family home evening. Forgive the pictures - I realized once we got them in the frame that I hadn't changed the year - we have since.

Miss Peanut started dance lessons and I have to admit I was one of those gushing parents who just couldn't get over how stinkin cute her little girl it dancing.  Officer taught Miss Peanut how to use scissors and left her unattended for a couple minutes because she was doing so good...that is like the cardinal rule about kids and scissors - inevitably she cut her hair...I took a video I'll have to post.  She cried when I asked her if she wanted to cut it like Rapunzel,  gratefully it blended in okay without having to chop her hair.   Around the house,  we are finally replacing the slider door that the one window pane shattered in November.  For whatever reason it was not a standard size door and we've had to order it and send it back 2 times because they keep giving us the wrong size and no one stocks it.  Hopefully it will be finished this week.  We also built shelves in our coat closet where the kids will sleep,  just kidding.  It did give us lots of room though for keeping board games and DVDs out of reach.  And...we met with a builder about building a house...don't get all excited.  It's probably not going to happen for a little while, but we have been looking for property.  We have for a long time,  but we found one property that we really liked and unfortunately someone bought it while we were doing some serious number crunching to see if we could actually build there because of the expenses to build a well and septic, etc.  So,  we are disappointed,  I'm a little relieved though too,  but we at least have a floorplan we really like and can keep dreaming about. 

Juggling

Officer learned how to juggle on his mission, I'm not even novice when it comes to juggling. Today I read a few things in this. Not from January, but the new one that came in the mail today. There is always something in there, without fail, that I needed to read. One article in particular was called "Finding Harmony as we Struggle to Juggle." That seems like the story of my life, and really the story for most of us. I would not trade my challenges for anyone elses,' I know mine are probably laughable to most, yet they are a challenge for me. Coming down from the busy-ness of the Holidays and just keeping up with our usual, add to it my new years resolution to get back into regular exercise, family resolutions, etc Officer's scheduled changed and it threw us for a loop. We have a stable job, I can stay home, and I'm so grateful that for the first time in 4 years he has Sunday evenings off. But in exchange his is working a later swing shift and sorry if this is TMI - I miss sleeping in the same bed as my hubby! For all you ladies out there that have hubbies that work swings or grave shifts, you are my heros! It has been nearly 3 years now that Officer has worked nights and it just seems that we are literally passing in the night/wee hours of the morning sometimes/most times. I've said it before, we are both exhausted most of the time and I don't care how you say it, it is HARD on family life!  This time around has kicked me in the hindside! Then add all the normal things you do outside the wall of your home and I don't know where to cut things out and say no. What I wouldn't give for a few nights of normal uninterrupted sleep right now...I know that would help my current perspective and I know I can't have it all, but I am constantly feeling like I put myself on the back burner because that is pretty much my only option and I'm burnt out. I remember an old friend saying that she wasn't sure she could have anymore kids because she was just too selfish. It's true though, motherhood is probably the most selfless thing we'll do in our life. BUT I still have to take care of myself (for me that is sleep and exercise mostly) so I can handle the rest. I had to laugh a little at the article in the Ensign because it suggested taking a walk and talking with your spouse to multitask basically, but whose watching the kids? I have a hard time finding someone who has time willingly to come hang out with my 3 kids just so that I can go walk/talk with my hubby - it would be nice though - someday when my kids are in school or something. Seriously what do you mommies do? You know Pinterest, who doesn't, well this was on there:

 

Now I didn't love this so much that I hung it on my wall or anything, but it does a decent job of summing up my feelings somedays. I love my kids and I love spending my time with my little family, but I constantly feel like I have to forgive myself for doing it all wrong again and again. I'm sure that therapy will probably be mandatory for my children to recover from their childhood. I read thisthe other day too and I felt like she was real about motherhood and moments you just plain didn't bargin for. My mom chuckled "paybacks." And I think "I wasn't that challenging was I?" I'm sure I probably was. Anyway, despite the not so pretty moments, there are a million moments that I look at my children and just adore them, they are so wonderfully exhausting. I just hope they forgive me for my constant mistakes in raising them. I say: try again, a lot right now to Miss Peanut and Handsome...and for myself too, what can I say - I'm a piece of work in progress -  sometimes the progress is really slow.  Sorry that you get to be my sounding board lately,  the hubby and I have been passing in the night way too much lately so much that he'll probably read it here before we actually have time catch up. Wowza - not what you bargined for when you came to my blog today...and thanks for listening. (to the one person who might actually read through it :)

Forgive me, I'm slacking.

I don't even have a pic/video to post to hold you over in the meantime; I still haven't uploaded anything to my computer.  I have great hopes to post something soon.

blah blah blah...

I'm still counting my blessings I promise;  I know I have lots of them, but seriously, the last few weeks I feel absolutely blah.  What is this funk about; it hit its peak today, I think.  My night last night - kids in bed 7:30-ish.  Did a handful of pick up chores, then...nearly every half hour until 3:44am someone was up.  Now if it was just once in a while,  I wouldn't be so frazzled.  The past several weeks have been like this often, like almost everynight, with sick kids, nightmares,  potty breaks,  clingy, crankiness,  etc.  Officer works nights, if you didn't already know, and so I HAVE to get up, so that he can sleep in the mornings because kids don't just sleep in on nights like that. Why is that?  Gratefully he has helped out more the last few nights that have been like this, but he's exhausted as well.  The last several mornings I have been up by about 5:30am.  I love my children, they are darling, but lack of sleep is really GETTING TO ME!  I have run out of steam...I'm feeling depressed, couped up,  blah.  Exercise would help - but I currently have zilch for energy with no sleep and it's freezing outside, so running is not so fun right now.  I've been trying to do more service,  but in some ways it has backfired because my own home remains a mess and my regular to do list unfinished. Tried to pick up a book - but there is someone constantly wanting my attention.  I feel like I barely get dressed and barely do more than the absolute minimum.  I keep trying to tell myself it will get better...and I know it will.  As I sit here my 8 month old refuses to go to sleep - I even resorted to crying it out for a few minutes (her, not me, yet.)  Usually I can nurse and her she'll be right back to sleep, but she has been biting me for a month now since she got 2 teeth (I've tried a lot of things and nothing is sticking)and frankly I've just about had it.  I need a break to find me again or at least some regular sleep - before I break!  DEEP,  deep breath...okay I'm done, thank you for letting me vent.  I'm okay, but come New Years,  I'm ready for some resolutions.

So long Movember

In "Movember"  (I guess that's what they call it, to help raise awarness about prostate cancer, etc.)Officer decided to grow a moostache(yes I know I spelled it wrong, for emphasis).  The cause is great, but it's kind of a funny thing and because he gets picked on a little at work because it's not exactly what an Officer would hope to grow as a stache.  I'm not such a fan of the facial hair, so I was glad to say goodbye to "movember." Also in November,  I made and awesome apple pie  for Thanksgiving and Miss Peanut celebrated her 4th birthday.  She got a Dollhouse and has not stopped playing with it since! 

 

This month we had a fun night up at our family cabin with some friends from our ward. The kids had a great time playing, and it was fun for the adults to play some games and chat (Thanks to Jalaine for taking pictures that I stole from her blog.) It's so beautiful and quiet up there,  I wish there had been more snow to play in, but we had a great time. 

After that - kids have just had one virus after another it seems like.  Cupcake had ear infections and this week it's been coughs and runny noses.  Yuck - I'm hoping we're healthy by Christmas.  We've been doing a lot of hanging out at home.  Officer and I did get out for his fancy work Christmas party.  My poor sister babysat for us and I'm not sure she wants to do that again anytime soon - my kids were rough on her - kind of like a substitute teacher at school...I celebrated my birthday last weekend and it was a very quiet day - so nice.  We had family over for cake that night - love the cute pictures of the babies playing with Grandma Pattie. Cupcake loves the tree - I was hoping she wouldn't learn to crawl while it was up - but she has managed to get herself there to play, alot. 

 I visited my grandmother at the nursing home and realized I hadn't given them pictures in a long time, so I made this into a big poster to give to her for Christmas. 

 I made these for my kids to hang in their rooms, kinda cute, thought I would share.

Robins and Worms

So that is what the doctor compared taking out my veins to....Robins pulling worms from the ground.  yuck!  I had to put Lidocane on the majority of my leg prior to the procedure and take this anti anxiety med of some kind.  Now, I don't often take medicine.  I haven't taken much Ibuprofen in like 5 years because of having babies, nursing, etc.  So whatever it was that I had, it made me way loopy,  Officer just kept laughing at me, because I felt so bizarre.  I was awake  for the procedure so I watched some of what they were doing, but some of it was a little painful because I wasn't very numb in a couple places, I think I cut off the circulation to Officers had for at least a good 5 minutes at one point.  I actually feel pretty good with how quickly things are coming a long after having this done.  Walking around on my trip was good,  sitting was harder because my leg was stiff and I couldn't bend it with the bulky wrap they put on it.  I felt a little stiff after taking off the big bulky wrap last night.  And not having as much compression on my leg now is making it a little more painful,  but I think most of the pain is from the bruising.  That big bruise you see - that was the 5 minutes loss of circulation to officers hand.  That was the biggest problem vein in my leg.  Anyway enjoy the photos - sorry if you get a little queasy.   

A little dejavu...

Once kids were fed and finally in bed that first night back, I was finally able to take the big bulky wrap off my leg - and just as Officer was helping me we hear a loud pop at the other end of the hour. We were both a little  concerned and Officer cleared the house - our back sliding glass door had shattered - at first we wondered if some one had shot out the glass, but gratefully it was only the inside pane of the glass. What is it with our family and shattered glass? It was 1 year ago that our Gas fireplace exploded and shattered the glass, so weird.   It looked like maybe there had been some condensation in between the panes and with a heater vent right there and the 25 degree temp out side we suspecting that is what caused it.  

Take your college roommate to work day.

So, uh this is where my old college roommate works.   

I decided that I need a minute to breathe, so I booked a trip and went to Salt Lake for Time Out for Women.  First 48 hours completely kid/pregnancy free in almost 5 years.  Why would I do that right after surgery?  Well, the surgery kept getting bumped by the Dr.  so it happened to fall in the same week.  However,  I think it was a good thing because I wasn't taking care of kids for a couple days so really it was a break and my leg felt pretty good for the most part.  When I got there I felt all giddy and excited to see her - she has stayed such a great friend over 10 years.  We stayed up way too late talking in her cute little apartment, ate way too much yummy food, and loved every minute of the conference.  Anyway,  what an amazing place to work and she does an incredible job where much is expected of her.  The temple here has been closed for nearly six months now for renovations and it was wonderful to spend the better part of a day there.  I didn't have to rush home a babysitter so I was able to just savor all of it without distraction.  To have quiet moments to be still, to ponder without interruption just doesn't happen a lot with 3 little ones at home and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute.  

 This is my cute roomy and I at Time Out for Women.  There were so many great speakers,  Brad wilcox,  Sherri Dew,  Hillary weeks spoke and sang.  Emily watts,  Wendy Ulrich, and several others, but for me one highlight was when a last minute fill in speaker turned out to be Stephanie Nielson  aka nienie.  She is absolutely amazing and inspiring.  This was my first experience going to something like this and it was great to  hear so many positive, uplifting messages, celebrating womanhood, motherhood, life, etc.  I'll maybe share more detailed thoughts later, but I'm hoping that whether I travel to this or it's at home I want to make this or something similar a regular thing.     

 So I stopped at this fountain for a quick drink and my face got a drink, nice.

And this is my yummy lunch at this cute little restaurant called Blue Lemon in Salt Lake.  Don't eat your screen,  it really was that yummy. 
I missed my family and I was glad to come home,  I felt like I had a little better perspective on things and up for a challenge...got more than I bargained for though when I got home.  That perspective is lots harder to stay focused on when kids are beyond exhausted and whiny and won't stay in bed  and...its' going to take me a day to readjust.

Picking up where we left off

I love this picture - it is just happy,  I love the cute giggle in her smile as we shared this moment;  it kind of sums up my love for this wonderful woman.  She is my grandmother and one of my dearest friends.  About 6 years ago she had a stroke and has been in a nursing home for 5 years now.  I will sadly admit that I do not visit her enough, but I spent some time this afternoon with her.  How I've missed her!  There are some times in the past few years that I'm not sure if she really remembers me,  some of her memories seem very jumbled at times.  But she does remember me; sometimes just in little glimpses.  Today was that way.  It was like stepping back in time and picking right back up although so much has changed.  When she first had the stroke I was still working and didn't have any kids yet.  I would often go visit her after work to talk with her and do more Physical Therapy.  Sometimes I feel like if only I could have devoted all my time for a while to doing that for her, she would be a little better off now.  The reality is, I couldn't at the time.  I know that this current life is not something she would have chosen for herself and today we talked about that.  Do you know - she said "oh, but the lessons I've learned and the people I've been blessed to meet."  What an inspiration to me,  that in all that she currently suffers she is still able to say that our Heavenly Father has blessed her life through other people.  He has blessed my life through her.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...

This little cupcake didn't want to go to sleep, which I've been okay with because I'm crossing my fingers that she will sleep longer tonight.  I sat her in front of this mirror tonight and she has loved to play with her new friend.  It made me think as I watched her squeal with excitement at herself;  When does that change? Seriously,  most of the time I dread looking at the tired reflection and dark circles I see.  I need to get back to loving the person I see rather than taking note of all the things I'm discontent with.  The lessons we learn from our children never cease to amaze me.

Bear Cave

Sunday afternoon we built a bear cave under our kitchen table; throw in a little popcorn and  it was hours of entertainment!

Modern Medicine

I am grateful for modern medicine.  Not that you would necessarily  remember, but with each of my pregnancies I have varicose veins that get increasingly worse each time.  A little fact that you may not know is that when you are pregnant your bodies' blood volume increases by 50% and when the extra blood in your body just sits there in your legs making them throb because the valves in the veins that are supposed to pump the blood back to the heart aren't working it becomes really uncomfortable. I compare it to when your leg falls asleep - like really bad and you start to get feeling back or like the throbbing you get when you put your entire leg in a bucket of ice water.  Try having that almost constantly unless I put my feet up, quite literally.  I wore compression hose for 2 pregnancies to help prevent it from worsening.  The reality is that they will still get worse because the crazy hormones of pregnancy also cause your blood vessels to dilate to accommodate the craziness that pregnancy causes to the body.  Don't get me wrong it is a miraculous and amazing process to grow a baby,  but the aftermath on a mommy's body is kinda crazy - at least for a while.    Honestly though, by the end of the last pregnancy, I would say the pain from the veins was far worse than the actual pain during delivery and it made it really difficult to do normal things like kneel to pray, bathe kids, and even stand (toward the very end).

Now - I am not announcing that we are trying to get pregnant or anything,  but yes we do want to have more children at some date in the future, so I talked with my doctor about what my options are for next time around.  He said yes, having another baby will make it worse whether I have the surgery or not - this I knew,  but our plan is this:  In hopes to eliminate the pain (for the most part)  they will do vein ablation on the main vein that is now 4+ times the size it should normally be.    By doing that they say it should stop the blood flow from there to all the little tributaries that branch from that main vein and hopefully alleviate the pain it causes.  Why am I sharing all this technical jargon with you?  They are doing the procedure this week,  and I'm just getting a little nervous about it, but I know it will be fine. I'm just grateful that there are such marvelous modern miracles.  So,  here is a couple of lovely before pictures and I'm hoping to say goodbye to the havoc the veins have caused.  Wish me luck.           

Blueberries

I've made my own baby food this time,  it really hasn't been too difficult now that I know how to. I know all babies are different, but she has hardly made a sour face at anything she has tried.  This was blueberries.  Mwwaah!  Couldn't you just kiss this face!   She is so much fun, except that suddenly she is wanting to nurse several times a night again - what is that about?  I'm hoping just a growth spurt, but last night I finally had to let her cry it out for a little while - I hate doing that, but every 2 hours was getting exhausting for mom. 

scrub-a-dub-dub

These three monkeys in the tub!  Cupcake is now sitting up and for 1/2 a second I let Miss Peanut hang onto her to snap a picture.  It has been a process, but I'm getting the hang of bathing 3 kids now, took me long enough.  :)

RIP

RIP - peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Pretty much everyday Handsome requests a PBJ for lunch and most of the time these are the remains left of the 1 1/2 - 2 whole sandwiches.  I'm just glad he's eating. 

A good day for couponing,

I've been couponing for a little while now, some weeks are better than others, but for the most part I'm so amazed that I can walk out of a store paying most times between 50-75% regular and sale prices.  There are plenty of times when I realize I actually could have gotten a better deal, but I'm still saving my family lots on groceries.  Today I thought I did quite well.  I paid 20.42 for everything pictured.  The coupons I had saved me $119.19, so I saved about 86% of the total retail price.  AMAZING!  I paid for my 6 month newspaper subscription in less than 1 shopping trip. Go me.

Settling in for the winter.

We have had this cough hanging around our house for about 6 weeks and I'm so over it already,  mommies are not supposed to get sick.  I even went and had a wheatgrass shot from a smoothie place hoping to kick this sooner, no such luck.  We have had too many sick days already this fall and not the fun kind where you play hookey.  I'm crossing my fingers, but not holding my breath that we'll ALL be healthy this week.    

It feels like we've been so busy, but we haven't done much other than Halloween.  We had the missionaries over for dinner on Tuesday night,  which was really fun for my kids. And we had Great-Grandpa over for dinner on Friday night which happened to be his 81st birthday!  The kids helped me make a birthday banner and we celebrated with yummy soup and homemade bread and cherry pie with a candle.  I don't know that my kids listened much, but it was fun to talk with him about his birthday memories.  

 I laughed when my grandpa asked how old Miss Peanut was.  5?, he asked.  No, 3, I replied. Then he laughed.  She will be 4 though soon, but all of my kids are getting so big already.  

Miss Peanut is practicing writing letters and reading simple words.  She loves to dance, she is learning how to use the computer and makes her own sandwiches now. She loves to help me with baby sister and  in the kitchen and even knows how to start a load of laundry (including sorting to starting it, very helpful for mommy).  She suddenly has the obsession with combing hair.  Anytime I sit down to change a bum or just sit she'll grab a brush and comb my hair.  It must be from Tangled.

Handsome is such a sweet snuggly boy, but he has also been a handful.  He loves to sing and has a great sense of rhythm with music.  We really need to get some kind of instrument in his hands soon  (I'm hoping for a piano, but...we'll see).  He loves to play cars and read books,  but every now and then while playing with big sister will come out with a tutu and say its a princess dress.  Poor dad panics of course, but he's just well rounded and plays well with 2 sisters.  He will come to Cupcake and say "I want to hold it"  and try to pick her up or sit with her.  That is how the following photo shoot started.     

Cupcake is now 6 months.  She's loving FOOD,  pretty much anything and everything thus far, except peas.  I've made my own baby food this time and it's been fun to try things with her.  We've done squash, sweet potatoes, pears, plums, blueberries, applesauce,  carrots, peas, and green beans.  She is now sitting up and then flops onto her belly to roll around and scoots in a circle, but I'm kind of hoping that she doesn't start crawling before Christmas.  She just adores big brother and sister and is all smiles to sit up with them.  Oh and she has found her voice - it is so not quiet.  She squeals when she's happy, giggly, mad, tired,  and she says ba ba ba alot. 

And finally I tried to get a pic with Miss Peanut and myself.  She was being such a goof, here is the result:

I know most people are not so excited about it,  but it snowed yesterday.  :)  And I love it!  I'm secretly hoping for lots  and lots more of it so that we can at the very minimum have a White Christmas. However, I shouldn't because Officer hates driving in it and I don't blame him... he had to work 5 extra hours last night because of it.  People were sliding off the roads all over the place.

Trick or Treat

I asked miss Peanut today Trick? or Treat?  She said trick.  I wasn't expecting that and didn't have anything witty or funny planned,  maybe tomorrow we'll try again.  Tonight was our annual Trunk or Treat at the church.  Since having kids,  Officer has worked 3 of 4 Halloweens, so its often a challenge for me to get the kids all ready and out the door.  We made it though, and it was really fun - the primary even had a "Monster Mash"  dance party for the kids and I'd say that was the highlight of the night for Handsome.  Miss Peanut was not interested in much other than the Trick or treating part and Little miss cupcake wanted nothing to do with her costume, so I have no picture of her in it yet - Monday,  she will wear it long enough to get a picture!  Mwahahaha! The low point - was when I caught an extension cord on the stroller and knocked an entire crock pot of soup onto the church carpet - I'm just that talented. I'll shoot for better pictures on Halloween, but this was all I got today.

My Pirate :)

My Princess (so glad she wanted to be Belle again.)

 

 Our Friends

  Our Pirate was smitten by cute Miss Rapunzel.  At our Monster Mash check out this video.  

Handsome is such a ladies man/gentleman already. :) You can see Rapunzel's cute dancing feet in the upper right corner or the video.  He totally heads straight for Rapunzel and offers his hand to dance with her,  you'll see it  if you watch close in the video.  My visiting teacher will kill me cause she is the mom in the foreground, but you have to watch my little pirate.

Picture Perfect

Officer had been working all weekend (he works nights you see); I saw him for about 10 minutes as he headed out to go hunting at midnight Sunday night for a few days.  I had a baby who had been up every 1-2 hours each night all weekend  and wouldn't go back to sleep without nursing (she's been sleeping 8-10 hours for a while now, so I had been a little spoiled :).  So needless to say this weekend was entirely exhausting.  By Tuesday morning I was fried.  After being up all night once again the other morning went a little something like this:

• 6:30am Cupcake is finally back asleep.
• 6:59 am Handsome wakes up
• 7:03  Handsome in front of PBS with some cocoa (carnation breakfast); mom crawls back in bed hoping PBS will keep him occupied long enough for me to catch a few more minutes of sleep before I tackle the day. 
• 7:08 Miss Peanut woke up and was now occupied by PBS as well
• 7:10 Handsome comes down the hall to find me followed by the aroma of his hind side.  
• 7:12 I drag myself out of bed to change him before his newly discovered skill of taking off his clothes creates a bigger problem 
• 7:13  Miss Peanut races to the potty 
• 7:14 Handsome back to PBS; Miss Peanut apologizing for peeing in her pants.  
• 7:15  Mom tells Miss Peanut that she is upset as she slips on chocolate milk barf in the hallway.
• 7:16  Mom crying while scrubbing barf from feet and the floor;  Miss Peanut whaling that she is so so sorry.  
• 7:17  Cupcake wakes up screaming due to Miss Peanut's whaling.  Handsome crying for me to hold him. 
• 7:18  Mommy  and 3 babies crying.  
• 7:19  Mommy calls her mommy crying.  
• 7:25  Deep breath,  Try starting the day again.
• 9:30  Cupcake asleep again,  Two kids dressed, fed, content with some PBS.  2nd attempt at a few minutes nap.
• 9:35  Handsome so thoughtfully brings me a tall glass of cold water from the fridge,  another recent new talent.  He tries to hand it to me and in the process spills the entire contents into my bed.  
• 9:36 So much for nap. 

With the exception of the crying while scrubbing barf and phone call to my mommy in my sleepless delirium,  I was then able to laugh my way through it.  I'm grateful that we didn't have anywhere we needed to be that day.  We spent most of it in our Jammies.  It was not a picture perfect day by any means and I was incredibly exhausted,  but I feel really blessed to able to be home with my little ones.

Ready, set, go

My little superman, after turning two just last week, has suddenly started to be interested in doing his business big-boy style.  I really had no intention of actually potty training him this early and I don't think I will really take the plunge for a while yet, but when he has asked me to, we have let him try.  Sure enough,  we have had at least one positive potty moment everyday this week,  #1 and #2 because he has said he wanted to use the potty.  There is hope on the horizon that one day we will only have one in diapers...